


Forgiveness is not needed for peace.

by Isabelle_Sheppard



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 06:02:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3599103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isabelle_Sheppard/pseuds/Isabelle_Sheppard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>leaving Camp Jaha behind Clarke searches for peace, in order to find that peace she must come to terms with what she has had to do to survive, Lexa helps her with this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgiveness is not needed for peace.

“May we meet again”

The words lingered in the air as Clarke turned away from the camp and Bellamy, away from some of the people she has known for the past 18 years; down back towards the forest where had just been walking through. The trudge back from Mount Weather was silent, she didn’t talk neither did Monty or Jasper, they all followed behind the train of people in all states of injury from dead to barely a scratch.

Leaving the camp should have felt more sentimental; like a milestone in her life but to Clarke everything has yet to sink in, if she keeps moving she won’t have to really deal with it, not yet anyway.   
The forest in front of her got closer and closer until Camp Jaha seemed a million miles away and she was immersed in the green scrub around her, the tree roots beneath or feet, the fern leaves grazing her face as she walks. This land has not been touched by destructive hands until the 100 came down; walking faster through the shrub a heaviness was felt upon Clarke’s chest and she had to lean against a huge oak tree for support. Slowly she slid down it until she was on the ground, her back had scraped bits of moss and bark off the tree.  _Sorry_  she thought, she hadn’t meant to hurt this tree or strip it of it’s own belongings but she found herself repeating the word “sorry” over and over again.  
“sorry” it came out as a whisper as she laid her head in her hands and looked at the ground like a apology was meant to fix everything. The ground had been destroyed by humans, the 97 years it had been granted to restore itself was reduced to nothing as soon as that dropship had landed.

“I’m so sorry” she closed her eyes trying to clear her mind “for everything” the weight felt on her chest lifted and she opened her eyes. Everything seemed a bit brighter, sharper like before she had been looking through haze; taking a deep breath deep breathe she hauled herself up from the oak tree and began slowly walking again, straying from the track she was on into thicker scrub and larger trees.  
The more Clarke walked away from that path the more peace she felt, the more untouched environment around her the calmer her body got. There was no noise, no people but there was  _life_ surrounding her, everywhere it was something you could feel. The sticks and leaves on the ground crunched under her feet but with every step more new life flowed through her replacing and mixing in with her life and her memory’s from the Ark, from space.   
There was no quiet or calm on the Ark, there was always background noise no matter where you went, people talking, machines beeping the echo of mental under your feet, there was no escaping it.

In the distance there was a clearing of trees and in the middle was a small lake, similar to the one that her, jasper and Octavia saw when they first arrived. Dodging trees and plants to make it to there she saw that to north of the lake there was what seemed like a cave. It was a huge caving in of rock and on the roof the water reflected making shimmering pictures that moved as the water lapped onto the rock. Clarke was cautious getting closer to the lake in fear that an incident like last time might happen and she would get taken by whatever lies hidden beneath that water.   
Clarke bent down and undid her boots, put he hands in the shallow water and felt around for any rocks or stones, her hand rummaged around creating a swirl of mud until her hand felt something solid; detaching it from the mud, she then proceeded to throw it into the middle of the lake which made the water splash and ripple but nothing moved underneath the water, nothing big anyway.

Trusting her gut that is was safe she held her boots by their laces in her hands and put her feet in the shallow water, the water was lukewarm which was strange considering the breeze was cold. Staying in the shallows she walked to the caving rock, trudging through the mud as best she could, the water was now up to her thighs and she was almost at the base of the cavern until her leg slipped and she fell face first into the murky water. Now at the edge of the floor of the cavern, annoyed but happy she threw her shoes onto the floor and then hauled herself up so that we was sitting with her legs over the edge still in the water.

The stone was warm.

Warmer than the water.

Standing up still dripping she walked to the back of the cavern and touched the wall and instantly flinched her hand away,  _it’s hot?_ Turning around confused until it hit her that  _a hot spring?_

“it’s not warm enough” she said to nobody in particular, turning around and looking into the south of the lake she could see that there was the tiniest amount of steam rising off the water at one section near the shore and the water meets the grass. Clarke sat down and decided to take it all in instead of stare at it in wonder.

She must have fallen asleep from the heat under her because it was now night and the only light was the water’s reflection on the cavern roof and the moons reflection on the water. She was now dry and feeling more rested, standing up and wither her shoes on once again she looked out into the scenery taking in the sheer beauty of it  _if only I had a pencil and paper_ she thought but having a plan was more important than looking at water and trees.  
She wanted more than anything to see Lexa but the thought of seeing her equally terrified her, she didn’t know how she felt. There was still attraction but there was anger and frustration bubbling beside that, if she saw Lexa the anger would come out before anything else there was no controlling that anger to what she did to her and her people, what she made her do.

A snapping of twigs quickly turned her attention to the shore left of her and what she saw almost made her fall down.

A _nother deer?_

This one this time had only one face but as she carefully backed away to the side of the cavern so to not frighten the deer but as she backed away she got a full look at the deer she saw it had only 3 legs. Her smile faded and instead she watched the deer as it bent down to drink the water, she was fascinated, the only animals she had really seen were horses and livestock; wild deer with only one face were something she had only seen twice as of now.

_Thud_

Clarke in a blink of an eye she was crouching down, back flat against the cavern wall all her senses on guard, an arrow lie through the deer’s skull and the deer was slumped on its side, its head in the shallow water, blood trickling from the entrance point of the arrow.

Clarke knew that moving from her spot would be stupid, whoever was out there could easily kill her just like the deer; so she stayed, quiet as a mouse. Trying to sink further into the rock behind her, her back was getting painfully hot and she could hear a body making it’s way through the lake though they weren’t in her line of sight yet.   
trying to make no sound at all Clarke was getting more and more anxious, she didn’t have anything she could use as a weapon so if things turned for the worse all she could do was run. The sound of water moving was getting closer, her back was burning now and all she could do was bare it until she saw the person making their way over to that deer.

_Lexa._

_Fuck, oh no, no, no, no, no._

Suddenly the weight of her body on her feet made her foot slip on the rock making it skid loudly on the rigid ground.  
in an instant Clarke forced her body forward onto the ground, just missing the arrow that was fired at her.  
“DON’T SHOOT, I SWEAR TO GOD DON’T SHOOT” she yelled this at the ground still cautious of lifting her head.  
“Clarke” Lexa’s voice echoed in the air “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“ Clarke lifted her head and looked at her and she found herself shaking her head>  
“it’s alright” she said in a tiny voice scared to talk to her but the echo of the cavern walls made it sound louder. The water started moving and Lexa lifted herself up onto the ledge, her upper arm muscles tensing in the process.

Clark proceeded to stand up, she thought anger would be fighting to break its way out of her body but she was calm, unsure how to react with the situation but calm. Instead of her plan of staying distant she slowly made her way to stand next to the seated girl.

“I um..understand why you did what you did” Clarke didn’t look at her, but at the lake. “I, I killed everyone in mount Weather” she words were distant, she didn’t want to say them, didn’t want to admit it.

“We do what we have to to save our people. No matter what the repercussions of our actions are, our people must be safe” Lexa spoke with confidence like always but there was a glint of sympathy from her. Clarke began to sit next to her, Lexa’s hair was dripping and there was a small puddled of water beneath her, I didn’t seem to bother her. Dipping her legs in the water and folding her pants up to above her knees she felt equal to the girl next to her, she felt no resentment or anger but she felt that heaviness on her chest again and her body felt weighted onto this rock.

“I didn’t mean for them all to be dead, I killed innocent people, children.” She hoped Lexa was listening. Or else this is for nothing. “how to you cope knowing you decided to end the lived of people who have done nothing wrong?”

“you don’t get over it Clarke, you learn to live your life knowing you’ve had to make sacrifices” she turned her head to Clarke, she had to markings on her face, it was clear and perfect.

Looking her in the eyes she let her heart out to her “Jasper won’t ever be able to forgive me, none of them will ever be able to forgive me. Jasper, he looked heartbroken; I took the person he cared about away from him. I remember Mia’s face, I remember Mia dying, I remember Jasper looking at me”.

_What have you done?_

“He will never forgive me, Lexa” she looked away “What do I do now”

“You take it one step at a time, start from scratch” Lexa moved closer to her and Clarke learnt into her body, feeling calmer the heaviness lifted off her chest and she took a deep breath. Looking at Lexa the only emotion she felt to her was envy, she knew how to deal with these situations, how to not feel for everyone who dies. Clarke is a different person in order for her to move on she has to be at peace with what she has done.  
still looking at her, without thinking and letting her actions speak for her Clarke leant in to kiss her, softly cupping her cheek and pressing her lips onto Lexa’s letting both of them sink into one another, letting their emotions mix into their rhythm. Thy broke apart and leant their foreheads against each other.

“Forgiveness is not needed to achieve peace, understanding is Clarke”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you very much for reading it means a lot to me c:


End file.
